Pirates and the Creation Of The World
Some of you may wonder how Pirates fit in to a religion and how a divine creature made of carbohydrates created the universe, if you don't wonder feel free to move on. Now pirates are the FSM's chosen people and while you may think pirates are thieves and murderers this is untrue and can be traced back to Christian theologists discriminating against pastafarians. Pirates were really fun loving adventures who spread goodwill, joy, and possibly VD to whomever they came in contact with. They also carried plenty of grog(an alcoholic beverage), swag(cool stuff), and wenches but many of the details are lost due to not perfect judgement (because of the grog) and many sinking ships due to overloading them(swag is heavy). Some rejected the word of FSM and tried to pick fights with the pirates, one of the most famous of these people was Noah who sailed up on his boat filled with animals, whom Noah used as ballasts, and started talking smack to one of the most bad-ass pirate ships around. The pirates ignored him as pastafarians are peaceful (and pirates are usually drunk) and it was only until Noah threw one of his sharpest creatures (possibly a porcupine or a now extinct stab rabbit which have weapon like points on their body's making sex a painful process) causing some of the largest and scariest pastafarians to jump onto his ship causing Noah to wet himself so badly that even Christians associate him with a great flood. From then on Noah would never mistreat an animal ever again. For centuries after the events with Noah no one messed with the pirates until the Hari Krishnas(who descended from ninjas) declared a holy war attacking pirates with double bladed kayak paddles while disguised as singing beggars or fishermen causing pirates to hide in coves to protect themselves from the Krishnas until pirates disappeared. The creation of the earth took only about 0.062831853 seconds but was mostly water to better accommodate pirates and their ships but FSM added to the world and created the heavens and the earth in a period of 5 days. On the first day FSM created light and separated the light and dark and refereed to them as day and night or prime time. On the second day FSM was tired of flying and couldn't swim for very long so he created a firmament(later called land) in the water and made it form coves and harbours for pirates, he also made a volcano that spewed beer and he tasted it and declared it to be quite good. On the third day FSM awoke somewhere in the Indian ocean slightly hungover and so to re-establish his powerfulness he made another amount of land and dried himself upon it. He then saw the problem of having both day twos firmament and day threes land so he sent day twos land up to the heavens and called it heaven, it seeming like the nicer pad, and made day threes land grow vegetation that could be made into food that resembles his noodly appendages. On the forth day FSM was tired from the previous 3 days and so he was trying to sleep but with night being so dark he couldn't find a comfortable spot to rest and so he made 2 lights, the greater for the day the lesser for the night, that he would call the sun and moon. On the fifth day FSM made the animals and, feeling quite proud, drank hard from the beer volcano. Later that day FSM fell out of bed (now called the big bang) and realized that in his drunken stupor he made a factory in heaven that produced scantily clad women in clear high heels but a midget(whom he called man) on earth. Not even knowing what day it was FSM declared that every Friday would be a holiday. The midget would soon turn out to be to noisy and with all his complaining FSM told him to gather the plants and make pasta in FSMs image and shove it in his mouth to shut him up. FSM also warned about the olive (the midget living in an "olive garden of Eden") which was good but the pit was rock hard and man could choke or break a tooth. Tired of eating pasta FSM gathered all the animals and man named them as food groups calling cows beef, pigs pork/ham/bacon, and chicken for chicken, he was tired at this point so FSM told him to take a nap. When man awoke FSM surprised him with woman to which man replied "Can I keep her?" and so FSM declared them as husband and wife and that they shall join and become one flesh. Before long man broke his tooth on an olive pit to which FSM scolded him asking why he gave man ears if he wasn't going to use them, it was then when man realized he had ears but also a small noodly appendage between his legs. It was much smaller than any of the Flying Spaghetti Monsters and woman was also quick to notice so man put fig leaf over his shame. Woman tried to console him but hinted that there might be another man on earth to which the midget replied "One word, honey. Cellulite."Then they both realized that they were naked and coverings out of leaves. When man and woman heard FSM flying around they hid and asked what FSM "What are you doing here". FSM replied "Where are you." and the midget replied that they were hiding because they were naked. FSM replied "That's fine, but can you tell me where you hid those delicious breadsticks? I haven't eaten since the creation." but the midget lied and said that they ate them all. This caused FSM to become angry and he decided to make his own food. FSM scooped a great amount of water in a giant pot, put pasta in to boil, and slowly simmered a sauce for so long that the original humans were gone. FSM then dumped the pasta through the "Colander of Goodness" dropping the water down his sink, it was only after he started eating that he wondered where the water would go when it went down the drain. Luckily Noah and his sons Ham, Cheese, and Omel and all there wives were on " Big Noah's Floating Menagerie" which was housed in and ark. After some battles with pirates the ark rested on mount Ararat and the flood water receded and while no one could find the unicorn pair Ham was found in a back chamber with a large tooth pick that resembled a horn. Noah's sons spread out with Ham founding the "Hamites", Cheese founding the "Cheese-Its", and Omel founding the "Omelets" and making family diners to supply the locals with foodstuffs. The diners prospered and with so may short order cooks Phil the night manager feared a revolt and stopped hiring short order cooks ending with a boy named Mosey who was indeed a good cook but didn't like the hours and Phil's mistreatment and quit to become a pirate. FSM took notice and found Mosey in the desert drawing plans for a pirate ship and contacted him through a burnt marshmallow and commanded Mosey to go back to the diner and free the other cooks and start a new restaurant more to FSM's liking, possibly calling it "Olive Garden". When Mosey returned Phil refused to release the cooks last pay checks. This angered FSM who sent 3 plagues which were 1. A rain of spaghetti sauce.2. A hail of linguine. and 3. Repetitively playing Kid Abyssinia's rap hit "I'm the Makkeda Daddy" inside Phil's head. Phil relented and the cooks were told to celebrate "Pastover" where they put spaghetti sauce on their door posts so the "angle hair pasta of death" will pass over them. While Mosey lead the cooks away Phil changed his mind and chased after them but FSM didn't see him and closed Phil up in a puddle of sauce from the first plague that FSM opened for Mosey causing Phil to become a giant meatball. Mosey, now "pirate Mosey", lead his crew to the top of Mount Salsa where Mosey hoped to find a pirate ship but they had no such luck, after all they're just short order cooks, so FSM told them to shape up if they wanted to be pirates. Embarrassed Mosey stayed at the top of the mountain while his crew waited at the bottom. Seeing Mosey struggle FSM told him where to find the sea and gave him advice in the form of ten stone tablets (see "Ideology").
This video should give some idea about the beliefs of the church if you were to lazy to read.